If you’ve been told you’re “too much” or “too intense,” if your relationships always seem to blow up in the same ways, or if you feel like you’re constantly fighting against your own mind, you might be dealing with a personality disorder.
What is a Personality Disorder?
The term “personality disorder” sounds scary, but it’s really just a way of describing long-standing patterns of thinking and behaving that consistently cause problems for you and the people around you.
These patterns usually start showing up in early adulthood (though the roots often go back to childhood) and affect multiple areas of your life – your relationships, work, how you see yourself, and how you handle emotions and stress.
Causes and Triggers
Personality disorders are usually shaped by a mix of early experiences, temperament, and environment. Some common contributing factors include:
- Childhood trauma or neglect
- Unstable or invalidating relationships during formative years
- Genetic predisposition or neurological differences
- Chronic stress or early exposure to unpredictable environments
Triggers can vary widely, but often include relationship conflict, feelings of rejection or abandonment, high-pressure situations or changes in routine. Sometimes even positive changes can be triggering if you’re not used to stability or if success feels unfamiliar, or even threatening.
Types of Personality Disorders
There are many different types of personality disorders, and they don’t all look the same. Some are more outwardly reactive, while others are more inwardly self-critical or withdrawn.
Personality disorders are typically grouped into three clusters:
Cluster A (odd or eccentric): Includes paranoid, schizoid, and schizotypal personality disorders. These often involve unusual thought patterns, distrust, or social detachment.
Cluster B (dramatic or emotional): Includes borderline, narcissistic, antisocial, and histrionic personality disorders. These are often characterized by intense emotions, impulsivity and difficulties in relationships.
Cluster C (anxious or fearful): Includes avoidant, dependent, and obsessive-compulsive personality disorders. These tend to involve deep fears of rejection, strong need for reassurance, and rigid patterns around control or perfectionism.
How Therapy Can Help
Unlike mood disorders (like depression or anxiety, which may come and go), personality disorders tend to be more ingrained, but that doesn’t mean they can’t change. With the right support and consistent therapeutic work, people with personality disorders can absolutely experience healing and meaningful growth.
Here’s what therapy can help you do:
- Understand your patterns without shame
- Learn how your past shaped your present
- Build emotional regulation skills
- Improve communication and repair relationships
- Set healthy boundaries and trust your instincts
- Develop a more stable sense of self
It’s not about changing who you are fundamentally – it’s about giving you more options for how to be in the world.
The process takes time and commitment, but people do get better. Many people with personality disorders go on to have fulfilling relationships, successful careers, and genuine happiness once they learn to work with their patterns instead of being controlled by them.
Therapy won’t erase your past. But it will stop it from calling the shots.
Therapeutic Approaches
Different people need different things. At Counseling with Compassion, we tailor treatment based on your needs, your pace and your goals. Our therapists may use:
Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT): Especially effective for emotion regulation, distress tolerance, and interpersonal effectiveness
Schema Therapy: Helps you understand deep-rooted patterns and change the beliefs keeping you stuck
Psychodynamic Therapy: Explores the impact of early relationships and unconscious drivers of behavior
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): Supports you in challenging distorted thoughts and building healthier behavior patterns
Mentalization-Based Therapy (MBT): Strengthens your ability to understand your own and others’ mental states which is key for improving your relationships
We’ll work together to find the approach that best fits your life.
We’ve made it easy for you to get started right now.
Three simple steps. No waiting lists. Just real help, right when you need it.
Reach Out
Send us an email at hello@cwcrvc.com or call us on 516-476-9057 and tell us about what’s going on.
Get Matched
We’ll connect you with the therapist best suited to your needs.
Start Sessions
In person at our Rockville Centre office or online from your couch – either way, we’ll help you take that first real step toward feeling better.
